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Monday, May 31, 2010

Gina Gershon.... America's daikon


From Showgirls to Bound, Gina Gershon makes unwatchable films a little more watchable.


Gina Gershon Spencer
"Gina Gershon Spencer"


Gina Gershon Seneschal
"Gina Gershon Seneschal"


Gina Gershon Ireland
"Gina Gershon Ireland"



Elizabeth Berkley imitates a mannequin this scene with a hungry Gina Gershon from Showgirls.



Not since that Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive has a stage show created such emotions... I am assuming they were going for laughter and dismay no? I mean I have expected to see Gene Wilder and Zero Mostel in the audience counting their upcoming fortune.




I have seen Bound a couple of times and it has never connected with me. Now after watching that clip above with Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon I guess I'm going to have to see it again until I like it.



Thank God for video because I'm not sure mere words are up to the task of describing how bad the movie Showgirls really is.




More fine acting by Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls... meanwhile our girl Gershon looks like she could be trying out for a more adult Laura Croft.



Why am I reminded of a Love Boat episode or perhaps a Quincy? Is it the set design? The music? or a plot point that wouldn't be out of place in a Brady Bunch episode.




Gina Gershon and Tom Cruise in Cocktail... I'm a little surprised she didn't break poor Tom in half.




Gina Gershon, in a rare clothed role, looking worse than usual walking down the street with Hillary Swank who honestly looks a little better than usual all in the horrible titled film "P.S. I Love You" which is surely about vampire invasions or a plague or something.



Now this is the Gina Gershon we all now and love... cue the Maneater music.



Ah the 1980's when supermodels tilled the soil before those hard working Mexicans invaded our borders and stole their jobs forcing them to move to Vegas and star in badly disguised porn films.



Ah the 1980's when supermodels tilled the soil before those hard working Mexicans invaded our borders and stole their jobs forcing them to move to Vegas and star in badly disguised porn films.





Which is worse Elizabeth Berkley's Acting or Elizabeth Berkley's dancing??? Mystery for the ages I tell you.




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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment... No! Not the Comfy Chair

Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment: 1/10: Hardcore porn films fall into two categories those with a semblance of plot (Gee that is one lucky pizza boy) and those without (Anal Amateurs 36). Devil's Experiment falls solidly into the latter category.

It is of course the horror version of hardcore porn. An almost completely plot less 43-minute wait for the money shot. Shot on video in 1985 it consists of three relatively non-descript Japanese boys torturing one fairly unattractive Japanese girl. The tortures range from the banal (slapping her 50 times, kicking her a hundred), the silly (tying her to an office chair and spinning her around), the fear factor (a bath of maggots and sheep guts) and finally the money shot. (A well executed eyeball piercing).

That's it, no plot, no motive, just Blair Witch tree shots and torture. The girl looks bored and with the exception of yelling, "no one expects the Spanish Inquisition" during the office chair scene I was bored silly. Staring dumbfounded at the screen, waiting for the money shot. Just like hardcore porn.


Some unrelated best of Google art for your pleasure

Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Caerphilly
"Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Caerphilly"


Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Gossypium Thurberi
"Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Gossypium Thurberi Topless"


Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Keresaspa b
"Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Keresaspa Full Frontal Nudity in Chair"


Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Niizuma Jigoku
Niizuma Jigoku is a Japanese movie from 1975. Known as both a New Wife's Hell and Newlywed Hell (and the delightful Prisonnière du vice in France) it alas is unreleased on DVD here in the states. Needless to say the poster art makes the movie look more interesting than it probably is.


Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Palestine Exploration Fund
"Guinea Pig Devil's Experiment Palestine Exploration Fund"



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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Dirty Jokes... Truly Tasteless Joke Book The Movie.




Gilbert Gottfried: Dirty Jokes: 4 out of 10: Notice the “concert film” is called Dirty Jokes not funny jokes. I also put concert film in quotes because this is the most disinterested collection of Yuppies I have ever seen. The audience often groans or at the very least sits in an impatient silence during Gottfried’s performance.

Not that Gottfried does not give them reason to squirm. His jokes are dirty... that was a given, but quite often they simply are not all that funny. Part of the problem is many of these moldy chestnuts are probably older than Gottfried himself. It is as if he was giving an X-rated Jack Benny routine.

The culmination of this collection of tasteless one-liners is yet another rendition of the Aristocrats joke. If you missed that dead horse-beating documentary The Aristocrats, the joke is a ten-minute collection of the most scatological collection of images followed by a shaggy joke punch line. The joke (like most shaggy dog humor) only works if you are not expecting it. Here it falls horribly flat with an audience that is clearly bored.

If you want to see the funniest version of the joke fast forward towards the end the The Aristocrats and their is a hilarious (and historical) version told in front of a squirming Hugh Hefner a few weeks after 9/11. The brilliant comedian who pulled of this unlikely triumph?... Gilbert Gottfried


Here is some best of Google pictures cause lets face it who wants me to post pictures of Gilbert Gottfried


Gilbert Gottfried Dirty Jokes Bush
"Bush I could vote for"

Gilbert Gottfried Dirty Jokes Dysentery
"Dysentery Nude"

Gilbert Gottfried Dirty Jokes Kim
"Kim Flag Kitty"

Gilbert Gottfried Dirty Jokes Seong
"Seong Surreal Alley Eye"

Gilbert Gottfried Dirty Jokes Sil
"Sil Redhead Breasts versus Dress."









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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Willa Ford



Willa Ford is a multitalented actress and songstress originally from Ruskin, Florida. She has appeared on Dancing with the Stars and sang the song "Lullaby" from Pokémon: The First Movie.

She also Played Anna Nicole Smith in a telepic filmed in 2007.

Sexy and apparently a decent singer Willa Ford is still looking for that breakout role.

In addition, she had the best death scene by far in the Friday the 13th reboot. (If anyone considers revealing that the topless blond gets killed in a Friday the 13th movie a spoiler please check your meds.)


Willa Ford Centre Friday The 13th Dock of Breasts

Willa Ford Foster Friday The 13th Topless Wakeboarding

Willa Ford House Friday The 13th Topless Recreation

Willa Ford Maplelawn Topless on Tree

Willa Ford Noarlunga Friday The 13th

Willa Ford Payne Friday The 13th Per Nipples the water is cold

Willa Ford Razori Friday The 13th

Willa Ford William Friday The 13th

Willa Ford Williams Friday The 13th





Willa Ford Wakeboarding in the Friday the 13th remake. One of the better scenes from the film.



Ah drinking contests and strippers... then a quick trip to the champagne room to meet you future 86 year old husband. (Willa Ford in the TV biopic Anna Nicole)




I'm not sure I understand the fascination with Marilyn Monroe. To me it's a little like Elvis worship. (Which needless to say I also don't understand) But at least in Elvis's case he was top of his game for a long time. I have the feeling Monroe is much more famous postmortem.




I'm sure I said Willa Ford was a talented actress at some point. After watching this clip from Anna Nicole I may have to revisit my opinion.




The best death scene not just in the Friday the 13th remake but one of the contenders for best death scene in the whole series. (Here is my personal favorite from Friday the 13th 2)




Willa Ford goes all cosplay in Impulse. This scene also does prove the old adage for every beautiful woman there is a man who is tired of fucking her.




Willa Ford tries to masturbate with annoying husband haunting her subconscious in Impulse.




Not just does the man in the white jacket look a little like myself and certainly act a little like myself but indeed I have had a few experiences just like what is shown in this four minute clip. (assuming this scene doesn't turn into an early Cronenberg later on.)




Nice scene (with good acting all around) with Angus MacFadyen and Willa Ford not discussing the duck.




Willa Ford goes shopping and tries on clothes... hey I consider it entertainment.



Willa Ford sleeps with her husband... or does she (Dum Dum Dum).




Great Sex... Horrific Shirt.



I'm not saying Anna Nicole is a horrible movie but Netflix doesn't carry it. And you should see some of the films Netflix has. The scene above is troubling. They are clearly trying to copy Showgirls here with Leslie Kay in the Gina Gershen role. Any movie that uses that horrific drama (that Netflix actually lists as a cult comedy. I guess it is so bad it's good) as a template is on the train to Fiascoville with a stop at Bad Accent land. Movie House Commentary got an apparent bootleg copy and here is their take.




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Friday, May 21, 2010

Funny People... Smart Movie




Funny People: 8 out of 10: What is amazing about Funny people is considering its set-up and storyline it manages to deftly dodge a veritable minefield of bathos laid out before it. The story is about comedian, who is super rich after a string of really bad comedies (Adam Sandler playing himself), finds he has version of leukemia and well is going to die soon. Therefore, he reflects back on his life makes amends and chases the girl that got away with the help of new assistant, a thin Seth Rogen.

Yes, it is what we hipsters would call Narm city. Yet this Judd Aptow directed flick is so self aware of the pitfalls that it not just avoids them for the most part but in a true stand up comic style calls them out. This is at its heart a very smart and aware film. What could have been Terms of Endearment with dick jokes turns into an occasionally funny and somewhat touching film. It is also a very real film about real people and I am going to repeat myself here but it is truly smart.

The only real downside I see is that I really do not see myself watching this film again anytime soon. It is a great ride but it never reaches that next level. The movie consists of some very funny bits, but do not come aboard expecting belly laughs. In addition, while I found myself enjoying the laid back pace at 153 minutes there is no question this feels more like a directors cut than a tightly paced theatrical release.


Funny People British Adam Sandler and Topless Nydia McFadden
"Funny People Adam Sandler and Topless Nydia McFadden"


Funny People Class Adam Sandler
"Funny People Adam Sandler does a lot of Stand-up in this film... He is pretty good."


Funny People Helmuth Adam Sandler Norm MacDonald Dave Attell
"Funny People Adam Sandler with Norm MacDonald and Dave Attell. You have got to include Dave Atell Baby"


Funny People Schwenn Seth Rogen Leslie Mann
"Funny People co-stars Seth Rogen and Leslie Mann enjoy the show."


Funny People Submarine Adam Sandler Paul Reiser
"Funny People Adam Sandler with Paul Reiser who gives the best cameo in the film hands down."








Adam Sandler helps Nicole Parker find the deity of her choice in Funny People.




"If mom needed to get banged again" this is either foreshadowing or an example of a true Freudian slip. For some reason it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. "Even Oedipus never saw his mother coming"



Nydia McFadden looks great in a bathing suit in this clip from Funny People.




Nydia McFadden looks great out of a bathing suit in this clip from Funny People.




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